The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
