doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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