I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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