Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
