We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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