Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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