well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
