eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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