need another drink. this is the easiest way
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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