Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
