the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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