his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
