walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
