Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
