oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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