1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
