Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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