do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
