the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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