every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
