A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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