No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
