I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You work out of a Hotel?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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