My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
