So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
