The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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