help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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