Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
