Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
