I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
