the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Mom said you looked used
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
