Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
