At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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