i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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