Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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