I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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