I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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