So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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