Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
