we have officially lost it.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
