So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
