I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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