i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
