i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I feel like a drive thru vagina
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
