I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
