if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
