put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
