he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
