Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
