I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
