i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
