You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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