what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
