for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
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it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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