We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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