Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
