Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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