Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
