Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize