Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
