3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
