You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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