Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
