i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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