these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
