i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Someone stole a lamp last night.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
