Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
