ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
