WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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