i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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