I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
