found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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