So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
