I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
